Faded Memories
by coexist love
Summary: Elizabeth's reality keeps shifting and there is only one person that can help her.


Title: Faded Memories

Author: Coexistlove

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: John/Elizabeth

Characters: Weir-centric, Team

Genre: Angst/Romance

Summary: Elizabeth is kidnapped off world by an alien race and subjected to a series of medical experiments that cause her to lose touch with reality.

Author's Note: Special thanks to kinkycarter for inspiration on the title.

_I used to hang on every word _

_In a world of faded memories _

_Where you're still in love with me _

-Cold "Happens All the Time"

Simon ran through the halls of the SGC and walked right past security to General Hammond's office. It had been two weeks since the Daedalus returned from the Pegasus Galaxy with Elizabeth. He wanted to see her. He needed to see her. As he moved closer to General Hammond's office he could see another figure talking to the general. Fuming, Simon ran towards the office door and threw it open.

"Excuse me!" General Hammond exclaimed in disbelief as Simon barged into his office. "You don't have security clearance to be here!"

"I want to see her!" demanded Simon.

Hammond looked at Simon as if he didn't understand what he was talking about.

"Elizabeth Weir. The Daedalus brought her back two weeks ago and I've been patient with your bureaucratic red tape, but I want to see her. I want to see her now."

The other man in the room looked at Hammond with a long face. Simon could tell they were hiding something from him. He knew they had been discussing Elizabeth before he entered the room and the thought annoyed him to no end. He was practically Elizabeth's common law spouse. He had a right to know what happened to her.

"Dr. Wallace, I'm Colonel Caldwell," the other man attempted to introduce himself extending his hand in a polite gesture. Simon eyed the hand refusing to accept it. "I was on the Daedalus when we brought Dr. Weir back."

"I want to see her," Simon stated again. "After the run-around you gave me, I have the right to see Elizabeth. At the very least you owe me that."

"I'm going to warn you Dr. Wallace, you may not like what you see," General Hammond stated. Simon's mind began to run through the possibilities: Elizabeth was severely wounded, Elizabeth was in a coma, Elizabeth was infected with some alien contagion that no one had a cure for. "Follow me, I'll escort you to the infirmary."

The infirmary? Was Elizabeth really that sick? Elizabeth was rarely sick and even when she was she would never let illness get in the way of her work. It meant to much to her to sit home an do nothing all day.

He followed the two men through the SGC, taking in his surroundings as he went. This was the organization that Elizabeth thought so highly of, the one for which she had left him.

He didn't really expect her to stay. How could life with him compare to living one of the greatest adventures in human history? Now, however, she was back. And that was all that mattered. She was back and he was going to hold her tight and never let her go again.

As they drew closer to the infirmary, Simon heard someone run after them. "Wait! Wait!" the voice called as a brown-haired man with glasses rushed towards them. "Are you guys going to see Elizabeth?"

"Yes, Daniel" Colonel Caldwell answered as they continued walking. Simon couldn't help but feel that they were keeping something from him. He wanted to know…he needed to know everything if he was going to help Elizabeth get through this, whatever "this" turned out to be.

The quartet stopped in front of what Simon guessed was the infirmary door and General Hammond turned to face Simon. "Dr. Wallace, your security clearance does not allow me to give you all the details on exactly what happened to Dr. Weir, but I can give you her general condition." Simon waited for General Hammond to continue. " Elizabeth was taken by an alien enemy of ours. She was tortured for information about the Stargate program. But Elizabeth wouldn't give it to them so they retaliated by using a truth serum. When she was rescued by the Atlantis base she had so much of it in her system that she was in constant pain."

"What is she doing back on earth?" Simon asked hastily.

"When Elizabeth was rescued, she had fallen into a near-catatonic state," said General Hammond. "The doctors and officers on Atlantis tried to get her to respond to them, but they weren't having much success. They eventually agreed to see if she would respond better to a familiar environment on Earth."

"You call this familiar?" Simon asked. This wasn't familiar to Elizabeth. _Their home_ was familiar. _Their dog_ was familiar. For Christ's sake, even _he_ was familiar. But keeping her locked up like this, by the government, was not familiar. In fact, Simon was pretty sure that what they were doing was illegal, but they were the military. So, what was he going to say to them, if anything? "She's been locked up all this time, all alone. How is any of that treatment helping her progress?"

"Dr. Wallace, we are concerned as to if Elizabeth has given them any information," said Colonel Caldwell. "We're just taking a precaution. We're trying to see if we can help her remember something. We've tried hypnosis several times but it never worked. We've tried counseling, but the doctor says that she is not opening up. All we need is the information she gave them about Earth and the U.S. and then we can release her into your custody. That's all we want from her."

"Can I see her?" Simon asked simply.

Wordlessly, the General opened the door and he walked into the room. Daniel followed behind him and pointed to a white curtain with a silhouette hidden behind it. Simon figured that it was Elizabeth and that they'd curtained her off to give her some privacy. Daniel urged Simon towards her and he moved cautiously towards the bed.

He moved behind the curtain and saw that Elizabeth was sitting in the hospital bed, her knees folded to her chin and rocking back and forth like a little doll. She hummed softly to a tune that Simon didn't recognize, but he dismissed it figuring that she had picked it up in the Pegasus galaxy. Simon moved closer and called her name softly not wanting to scare her.

" Elizabeth?" he asked quietly.

She raised her head to see him and her hand suddenly moved protectively over her feet. It was then that Simon noticed the padded restraints attached to the head and foot of the bed. He glanced behind him to see Daniel standing in the doorway. Simon opened his mouth to ask him a question, but somehow Daniel already knew what he was thinking.

"She goes into catatonic states sometimes," Daniel informed Simon. "During her first one when someone touched her she become incredibly violent. It took several doctors and a few nurses to restrain her. If she goes into one of those mood swings, don't touch her."

Simon nodded. "Can you give us a few moments alone?" he asked him. Daniel nodded and he left Simon alone with Elizabeth. He moved closer to her and sat down on the edge of her bed. " Elizabeth." She didn't respond but continued to pull her knees closer to her as she rolled up into a little ball. "Your feet must be cold." Simon commented as he looked at her bare feet. "Do you have any socks?"

Elizabeth didn't answer. Simon scanned the room and found her socks on the bedside table. "Don't be startled Elizabeth," he said. "I'm just going to get your socks." Elizabeth didn't move as Simon reached for her socks. When he retrieved them he began to unroll the socks from their ball and lay them on his lap. "Can I put them on you?" Simon asked Elizabeth.

A moment later Elizabeth nodded her head and gingerly slid one leg down and Simon placed the sock on her foot. Elizabeth watched him carefully and when he was finished pulled her knee back to her chin before sliding the other leg down. She remained silent as Simon put the sock on her other foot and drew it back up to her chin when he was done.

"There you go," said Simon. "Does that feel better?"

"Simon?" Elizabeth questioned him. Simon looked at her with concern. Did she not recognize him? Had they done something to make her forget what he'd looked like? "Is it really you?"

"Yes," Simon answered her. "It's me."

"I can't be sure anymore," Elizabeth said, her voice filled with unshed tears.

Simon reminded himself of what she had been through and how she was probably experiencing hallucinations. "I'm real Elizabeth," he stated. "I'm not going anywhere. I love you." He leaned in closer to her until they were inches apart. "I want to see your face, sweetheart." He reached his hand out to touch her face. She flinched as his hand was in midair. "I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you."

He stopped for a moment before he continued to bring his hand towards her face. He pinned a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled before he let his hand rest on her cheek. Simon could feel her cheekbone under his hand. As he looked closely at her he could see that she looked very thin, very gaunt, he had to wonder exactly how much she'd eaten in the last few weeks. "There you are," Simon said. "I knew you were in there somewhere."

Elizabeth smiled back at him before a strange falling sensation came over her. She couldn't feel Simon's hand on her cheek anymore.

"Good morning, love," Elizabeth heard Carson's voice as she opened her eyes. She took in her surroundings and realized that she was in the infirmary on Atlantis. Not again. This can't be happening, not again. "How are you feeling?"

"What happened?" Elizabeth asked. As far as she could tell this was a new reality compared to the other dozen or so she had been going between the last weeks.

"Don't you remember?" Carson asked her.

Elizabeth shook her head. "No." As if on cue a baby began to cry. "Whose baby is that?" Elizabeth ran through any personnel that Carson had recently brought to her attention. As far as she knew no one on the base was pregnant and if it was an Athosian child what was it doing on the base?

This didn't make any sense. She had been so comforted by Carson's presence but now she was frightened by the presence of a child that she had no knowledge of. The doors to the infirmary opened and John walked through them smiling with his usual boyish smirk.

"Hey sweetheart," John said as he bent down to kiss her on the cheek. Elizabeth was taken aback by the kiss and sat there stunned. Upon seeing her stunned expression John looked back at her concerned. "What's wrong?"

"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked. "Why is there a baby crying?"

The two males in the room looked at each other with concern before turning back to Elizabeth. Carson was the first to speak, laying out the events of the past few days gently.

" Elizabeth?" Carson said gently. "You went through a very demanding delivery. You had an amniotic fluid embolism. Some of the amniotic fluid entered your bloodstream. You went into cardiac arrest shortly after the delivery. You gave us quite a scare. For a while we didn't think you were going to make it."

"No…" Elizabeth's voice trailed off. She eyed them with great contempt as they tried to force her into thinking that she had given birth.

" Elizabeth…" Carson said.

"No! This can't be happening!" Elizabeth screamed out. "I can't have a baby Carson! I was never pregnant!"

"Liz…honey…" John began.

"You guys don't understand I don't belong here! This isn't my reality!" Elizabeth shouted at them. She thought that of all people these two would understand. For once in her life she wished she could talk to Rodney. She tried to will him to walk into the infirmary but nothing happened. "Please!" Elizabeth pleaded with them. "Please believe me!"

Carson walked over to tray of medications and filled a syringe. "You're probably just stressed, love." Carson said. "Here's something to help you sleep." Carson stated as added the drug into her IV.

"No!" Elizabeth said sternly. "Please! I don't belong here! Let me go back…" Elizabeth couldn't fight it anymore…within minutes she began to feel the world fall away from her and consciousness deserted her.

"How long is she going to stay like that?" Simon asked Daniel as he gazed upon a catatonic Elizabeth.

"It's hard to say," Daniel said. "They've lasted anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. The longest one we recorded was five hours."

"Five hours?" Simon asked, looking at the archeologist. Daniel nodded slowly. "What did they do to her? What made her this way?"

Elizabeth blinked a couple of times before she came in touch with the two men talking beside her. She recognized the voices and realized she was back at the SGC infirmary. She closed her eyes in frustration, not wanting to put up with this universe again. She had endured everything, the doctors prodding her and sticking her with needles and even the interrogations as to what information she had given them. She knew everything about this reality except what they wanted from her.

She had never heard of the aliens that they kept talking about. Yet, the more she told them that, the harder they pushed her. She cried herself to sleep at night a few times because of her frustration. No matter how many times she reiterated that she didn't know what they were talking about they asked her to see one more hypnotist or spend one more hour with another psychiatrist. Elizabeth had had enough. She wanted to go back home. Back to her Atlantis.

"Hey there," Simon stated when he realized that Elizabeth had come out of her catatonia. "It's good to see you've come back to us."

"What happened to your new girlfriend?" Elizabeth asked Simon bluntly.

"What?" Simon asked her. The truth serum had caused her to hallucinate but did she really think that he would leave her for another woman? She was the light of his life. These past three weeks had been torture as he tried time and time again to see her with no avail. "What are you talking about, Elizabeth?"

"When I came back a year ago…" Elizabeth said softly. "You said you'd met someone." She looked down causing locks of hair to fall into her face. 

"No Elizabeth," Simon said. "I never met anybody. I was waiting for you."

Elizabeth drew her knees up to her chin and buried her face. She heard Daniel suggest that Simon go and get some lunch and Simon started to protest. But Daniel told him to go down to the cafeteria. Eventually Simon gave in, leaving Daniel alone with Elizabeth. She heard Daniel walk over to the bed and sit on the edge. Elizabeth couldn't look up, she couldn't face looking at another figment of her imagination.

" Elizabeth," Daniel called out softly. " Elizabeth…talk to me."

"Dr. Jackson," Elizabeth whispered. "What's happening to me?"

"Nothing's happening to you Elizabeth," said Daniel. "We're not going to do anything to you. We just want to know what you remember."

"I don't remember anything," Elizabeth said as tears began to brim the corners of her eyes. "Don't you get it? I don't belong here! This is not my world. I don't belong here."

" Elizabeth, they'll let you out of here when you remember something," Daniel told her. Elizabeth rolled her eyes at the comment but Daniel continued. "Stop suppressing it Elizabeth!"

"I'm not suppressing it," Elizabeth said her voice near tears. "I didn't experience it…how can I suppress it without experiencing it?"

" Elizabeth if you don't tell them what they want to know they're going to start playing hardball. They're going to treat you as an enemy combatant," Daniel insisted. "Do you know what happens to enemy combatants?"

Elizabeth knew what Daniel was implying very well. She had seen several tortured for information when she worked at the United Nations. She had seen the combatants be tortured for information time after time. Each of them repeatedly saying that they didn't know anything, that they couldn't give them any of the information that they'd wanted to know. Elizabeth had seen several and though she deeply opposed the treatment of enemy combatants she felt forced to comply.

"I don't remember Daniel!" cried Elizabeth. "Please just let me leave! Let me go back to Atlantis."

" Elizabeth…what are you talking about…the Atlantis expedition failed," said Daniel.

Elizabeth began to feel herself fall again…this time it wasn't like slipping into a peaceful sleep but it was like she was fainting. She felt Daniel catch her by the arms as she began to fall backward and the world became fuzzy before going black.

" Elizabeth?" she heard a voice ask her. She blinked in response but didn't look at them. She could tell she was back in the infirmary where and was surrounded by machines that were monitoring her. " Elizabeth?"

Now she could tell the voice was Carson's. He was standing over her with a look of concern on his face. John was next to him. Carson waved a hand in front of her eyes in an attempt to get her to speak. " Elizabeth? Are you unable to speak?" Carson asked. Elizabeth shook her head. "Can you say something?"

"What would you like me to say?" Elizabeth muttered slowly.

" Elizabeth what you were saying before," John began. "You said you belonged to another reality. What did you mean?"

"This isn't the Atlantis I came from," Elizabeth stated. "I didn't have a relationship with you were I was…and we didn't have a daughter." Elizabeth said to John. "Do you believe me?"

" Elizabeth, you belong here. You just gave birth," John said as he held a hand out to touch her cheek. "You should be happy. Our daughter is beautiful. Why don't you hold her?"

Elizabeth turned her cheek away from his touch. "She's not my daughter."

"Why don't you let her get some rest," Carson said. "She could probably use it."

"Alright," John said. "I'll be back." John pulled Elizabeth into his embrace, feeling how tense she was to his touch. He couldn't believe what was happening. For nine months he had watched her carry their child. He had been delighted when she woke him up and told him that they weren't going to have to wait anymore. Now she was denying everything. This wasn't like Elizabeth. "I'll be back. Everything will be okay."

John helped Elizabeth settled back down onto the infirmary bed as Carson prepared another sedative. "It's okay sweetheart," Carson said. "Just let yourself sleep."

Elizabeth's eyelids closed and she felt herself fall into the first peaceful sleep she'd had in weeks. She had forgotten the sensation of a restful sleep. How it felt to dream and not worry about falling into another reality. She wasn't sure how long the feeling lasted before she was pulled back into reality again.

"Ahhhhhh," Elizabeth screamed she jerked awake, from the bright lights above the bed she could tell she was in the infirmary. Her wrists and ankles were tied to the bed. A woman was standing over her bed but while she was thrashing Elizabeth could have sworn she had seen a look of familiarity on the woman's face. But…it couldn't be…no…that didn't make sense.

"Dr. Weir calm down," the woman said. Her voice sounded familiar too. But it didn't make any sense. "I just need to take some blood."

"Dr. Fraiser?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes, Dr. Weir. I am not going to hurt you!" Janet said. "I'm here to help."

"No…you're…you're dead," said Elizabeth. "You died two years ago."

"I assure you Dr. Weir I am very much alive. Hold still. I'm almost done."

"No…" Elizabeth said sternly. "Get away from me."

She managed to attract the attention of Carson who came out of his office, "Dr. Fraiser what is going on here?"

"I was taking a blood sample when Dr. Weir awoke and became irrational," said Janet.

"I'll finish up Janet," Carson said as he took Janet's place and she left the room. "Hey love," Carson said to Elizabeth. "How are you feeling?"

"When…how did Janet?" Elizabeth asked.

"She came on the Daedalus, about a month ago," said Carson. "She'll be here for six months," Carson explained. "I know you're having trouble remembering things. But I think I have something that might help."

Elizabeth's eyes widened as Carson pulled a syringe out of his pocket and held it in his palm. Instantly, Elizabeth knew what it was, " Carson…"

" Elizabeth, I've given this a lot of thought…and the decision wasn't an easy one to make," Carson began. "I ran a couple scans while you were asleep. You've been given an inhibitor that I can't counter."

" Carson…no…please…" Elizabeth pleaded, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Please, Dr. Weir," said Carson. "This is a serum that will stop everything. You're not from another reality. You belong here and since you can't realize that on your own I have no choice but to save you…the Colonel…and your daughter, from your rapid decline into madness."

"John!" Elizabeth screamed as she saw Carson remove the cap from the syringe and injected the serum into her IV line. "Rodney! Anybody!"

"Please relax," Carson said. "And go easy Elizabeth. It's for the best."

Elizabeth began to feel herself slipping away and she tried to fight it. "Best for…best for…for…"

Elizabeth's eyelids closed and the monitors surrounding her bed went flat. Carson released a few tears as he disconnected her from the monitors and grasped the sheet at the end of her bed. He glanced at Elizabeth's face one last time and sighed deeply. "Rest in peace Elizabeth," he muttered as he pulled the sheet over her.

Unlike the other times Elizabeth didn't feel herself slip away like she had the last time. She could still hear Carson's voice and she felt the sheet being pulled over her head. In fact it took so long that Elizabeth began to believe that she was dead.

When she began to feel herself slip away again and got the courage to open her eyes she found herself back in the SGC. Taking a deep breath she realized that she was lying back against the pillows. She could feel a hand holding her own as she began to regain sensation in her extremities. She saw Simon sitting in a chair next to her bed. Her small hand cradled between his larger ones.

When he realized she was awake he smiled and moved a hand closer to her cheek. "Hey…" he said. Elizabeth flinched as his hand came closer to her cheek. "You've decided not to let me touch you now?" Simon questioned sadly. Elizabeth did not respond so Simon continued. "It's okay…I understand." Simon took a deep breath and continued to monologue. " Elizabeth…you have to stop scaring me like that. You went into shock when you were with Daniel. We were worried about you."

"What happened in the Pegasus Galaxy?" Elizabeth whispered.

"What?" Simon asked.

"Daniel said that the Atlantis expedition failed. What happened?" Elizabeth asked.

"I don't know," Simon apologized. "My security clearance isn't high enough for that kind of information."

"What happened to Atlantis?" Elizabeth asked again.

"I don't know…" Simon said. "If I did…don't you think I'd tell you?"

"Simon…can I have a moment alone with Elizabeth?" another voice said. Elizabeth could have sworn that she recognized that his voice.

"Of course Dr. Heightmeyer," Simon stated as he grasped Elizabeth's hand. "I'll be right outside if you need me."

Elizabeth didn't say anything as Simon squeezed her hand. She felt no connection to this man whatsoever. Every motion, everything he said to her, it felt so fabricated. So fake. Like he wasn't really there. She watched as he left and she forced a little half smile when he looked back at her. He smiled back at her before exiting the room and leaving Elizabeth alone with Kate.

"Dr. Heightmeyer," Elizabeth said. "You remember Atlantis, don't you?"

" Elizabeth…" Heightmeyer began.

"No…you remember right…you remember the Wraith…how they killed Sumner and tried to attack the city. Please tell me you remember!" Elizabeth pleaded.

"Dr. Weir, you have to stop living in this fabrication of reality," said Kate. "We were in Atlantis for just under a week not two years."

"That's not how I remember it," Elizabeth said.

"You don't remember it that way because you let it consume you! You gave these fantasies power! And you can take the power away from them."

Elizabeth shook her head at the comment, unwilling to accept that for the past few years her life had been nothing but a dream. A delusion of her mind. She didn't want to accept that this was her life. That she was going to have to live here and remain happy with the people that she had moved on from.

" Elizabeth, medical science can only do so much! The rest is up to you. You have the power to make yourself better. You have the power to get out of this hospital. All you have to do is try! And you can start by denouncing those fantasies out loud."

"So it's true….the human body does tire," said a very deep female voice as Elizabeth drew herself back into consciousness. "I hope you'll be more cooperative today Elizabeth."

With her hazy vision Elizabeth could make out the outline of the figure. She blinked a couple of times trying to clear her vision but soon realized that it was futile. She squinted and her eyes made out the outline of a Wraith.

"It does matter what I do anymore," Elizabeth whispered. Realities where changing faster now. It was almost like a TV on fast forward. She had no warning of when she would drop into the next reality and she had no time to decipher the authenticity of it.

"Oh…touching," the Wraith said. "You pitiful human. What was your ship doing so close to a hive?"

"I don't know," Elizabeth said softly.

"Really," the Wraith said as she came closer to Elizabeth. As she came closer Elizabeth. Elizabeth saw the Wraith's hand come closer to her face and trace from the top of her head down to her chin. Elizabeth didn't flinch and instead allowed herself to lock eyes with the Wraith knowing that this may be the only chance she had to face her fear. And if she died in the process. So what? At least she would be out of this hell. "I would beg to differ."

The Wraith suddenly drew her hand back and plunged it towards Elizabeth's chest. Elizabeth let out a bone wrenching scream as pain showered her entire body.

"NO!" Elizabeth screamed as she buried her face in her knees. She felt her entire body shaking with pain that had transcended from the other reality. "No!"

" Elizabeth," Kate asked as she moved towards Elizabeth's side. "Dr. Weir!"

The door opened and Simon rushed into the room. His eyes moved immediately to a Elizabeth, scared ad shaking next to Kate. Anger seized him and he rushed towards the blonde psychologist, taking her by the arm and pulling her away from Elizabeth. Kate hit the floor before looking up at him.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Simon demanded.

"Nothing!" Kate shouted back. "We were talking and the next thing I knew she was shaking like she is now."

"Get out!" Simon ordered.

"Dr. Wallace…" Kate began.

"GET OUT!" Simon yelled. The psychologist obeyed and left the room. Simon ran a hand over Elizabeth's back as she began to sob hysterically. "Shhhh," he whispered to her soothingly. "Shhhh. It's alright. Everything will be okay."

"Your tears are touching," she heard the Wraith. Elizabeth tried to move but every attempt brought on more pain. She tried to imagine how much of her life the Wraith had taken from her but imagined that the Wraith had left her with just enough so that they could get information out of her before she died. "Now for the last time. Why were you spying on us?"

"I'm not going to tell you," Elizabeth said. She could feel whatever life she had left in her slipping away. She didn't want her last words to be to a Wraith. So instead masked any glimmer of fear and replaced it with defiance.

Elizabeth watched as the Wraith's hand connected with her chest again and began to feed. It took a moment for her to register the pain this time, but when it did she heard herself scream at the top of her lungs.

"No! No!" Elizabeth screamed as she pulled away from Simon. Elizabeth pulled herself into a fetal position on the bed. Every nerve in her body was shaking uncontrollably and Elizabeth was sure that she was not going to be able to withstand these fractured realities much longer. She felt a hand on her shoulder and spoke softly. "She's feeding on me!"

"What? Who?" Simon asked confused. "What are you talking about honey."

"The Hive Queen," Elizabeth sobbed.

" Elizabeth there is no one here to hurt you," Simon said. As soon as the phrase left his mouth the significance of what Elizabeth had said set into his head. " Elizabeth…" He took her hands by the wrists and forced her to look at him. "Are you remembering what they did to you?"

Elizabeth opened her eyes to a dark room. It reminded her vaguely of when the Genii had taken her hostage as a bargaining chip for C4. She looked around and didn't see any Genii soldier, or hear any voice that would tell that she was being held captive and sobbed.

"Is anybody here?" she called through her sobs. Elizabeth was still shaking from her last encounter with a Wraith. She wanted to believe that she was dead. That she was free was the realities that she'd been traveling through and could go on.

Instead she heard footsteps behind her and her body immediately tensed. She could see a figure sit down next to her as she stared off into space. A hand stroked her hair and reminded herself that none of this was real. Her mind chanted the phrase _It's not real. It's not real! _But somehow she felt something different in this touch. It felt more genuine than the others. She couldn't explain it with words, but this touch felt…real.

" Elizabeth…" a voice prompted. Elizabeth recognized the voice immediately. She turned towards it and gasped as she saw her favorite messed up mop of hair. Wordlessly, she threw herself towards him in a hug, clinging to him for dear life as if he was her only raft out of this hellish existence. She began to cry again and John hugged her gently.

"Please," Elizabeth's voice pleaded. "Tell me that you're real. That you're still in Atlantis. That everyone is okay and that we've been there for over two years."

It took a moment for John to register what he was hearing. He pulled out of their hug and Elizabeth looked at him through tear glazed eyes. " Elizabeth," John said. "What you've said is true. We have been in Atlantis for two years. Everyone is fine. The city is still standing. But we need you back."

"I don't know how," Elizabeth said. "I can't., there are to many realities and every time I let go of one another one shows up."

"It's okay Elizabeth," John said as he placed a hand on her cheek. "Just let yourself go. I promise you, I'll be there when you wake up."

Elizabeth didn't have time to get the rest of John's message. The next thing she knew she was lying there in the SGC with Simon leaning over her. " Elizabeth!" he prompted again. "What's going on? Are you remembering what they did to you?"

"Yes…" Elizabeth said as she tried to sit up. Simon allowed her to but didn't let go of her wrists. "Yes I am…"

"Tell me what happened Lizzie…" Simon said. "Tell me what happened and you can come home with me and see Sedge. Let go of it Elizabeth! Let go of it and it won't hurt you"

"How can you be so sure?" she asked.

"I just am," Simon said. "I don't know how to explain it any better than that."

Elizabeth was afraid. She didn't want to spend the rest of her life living with uncertainty. Afraid of losing her sanity, her future. All of it rested on trusting a man who she had broken up with almost a year ago. Her inner voice told her that she couldn't keep going on this way. That she would eventually have to decide what was real and what wasn't but as she was about to dismiss what she believed to be the truths she could hear John's voice again.

_Focus on my voice Elizabeth._ And she did.

Simon looked at Elizabeth in horror as he saw the light in her eyes began to grow dim and her body went limp in his arms. He caught her as she collapsed on the bed and in a panic Simon shouted for a doctor. He was losing her. The only woman he ever truly loved and he was losing her.

Elizabeth could feel a long awaited peace rush over her and she felt a sense of calmness begin to pour over her body as Simon lowered her onto the bed. She saw the Daniel, General Hammond, Dr. Heightmeyer, and the doctors rush in.

At first the doctors thought she was going into another trance, but taking a closer look they could see how limp Elizabeth's body had gone in Simons arms. Usually even when she was in a semi-catatonic state Elizabeth could at least sit up by herself. She felt the pen light being shined into her eyes, but she was too far gone to react to it.

"Elizabeth," one of the doctors said. " Elizabeth, can you hear us?" Elizabeth didn't respond. "Dr. Weir if you can hear us blink or say something."

She didn't feel like doing either but decided to say something before it was too late. "Goodbye," she muttered. Her voice was barely audible and almost didn't register to the group as she closed her eyes.

"Lizzie…" Simon prompted as tears sprouted into his eyes. "Lizzie…what do you mean by that?"

A doctor began hooking up electrodes to Elizabeth's forehead before turning on the machine and studying the readings for a moment. "She's gone," the doctor announced.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Daniel asked.

"I'm not reading any neural activity," the doctor said. "I'm sorry."

"No!" Simon said as tears streamed down his face. "No! There has to be something that you can do."

"There's nothing," the doctor said. "Even with the alien technology we have here…we still can't revive her. I am truly sorry. I wish there was more I could do."

There was an eerie silence in the room as Simon pressed Elizabeth to him. The bystanders left the room giving Simon time to grieve. Unshed tears began to fall down his face and he let them fall. "Please come back Lizzie!" he pleaded. "Please!" As a doctor he knew it was pointless. He had lost her forever. Planting a kiss on her hair he continued. "I love you Elizabeth! I will never forget you."

Elizabeth could feel herself drift towards consciousness again. She heard voices around her. Distant voices but still they were there. She attempted to open her eyes but she lacked the strength. She knew she wouldn't be able to maintain consciousness for much longer and would sleep back into the darkness no matter how hard she tried to fight it.

" Carson how is she?" she heard John's voice ask. "Will she be okay?"

"Physically…yes," Carson answered. "However…mentally I can't say. There are so many drugs in her system I wouldn't be surprised if she completely lost touch with reality."

"When will you know something?" John asked.

"It won't be for at least another few hours. Get some rest. She'll need you when she wakes."

Elizabeth wasn't sure if John had followed Carson's advice or not because she fell back to sleep and allowed herself to rest peacefully.

John sat by Elizabeth's bed and cradled her fragile hand in his stronger one. He watched as She had been gone for almost a month and in that month and in that time the Ralterans had been performing countless medical experiments on her. When they had found her, she's been attached to several machines and wires. IV's were dripping down, feeding in several various kinds of drugs, monitors were beeping, ensuring him that the form connected to them was still alive.

"Colonel," Dr. Beckett whispered to the vigilant airman. It had been three days since her rescue and the Colonel never left her side. "Colonel…" Dr. Beckett said. "Can I speak to you in my office?"

"Sure," John said. "I'll be there in a moment." John stood up and kissed Elizabeth's forehead lightly. "I'll be back in a few mintes."

He followed Carson into his office where the medic gestured for him to take a seat at the metal table. John sat down and glanced at the Scottish doctor. "How bad is it?"

"I'm not going to lie to you Colonel. There are several drugs still coursing through her system, she was on the brink of an overdose before we found her. I have no way of knowing what condition she will be in when she wakes up," Carson said.

"But she will wake up?" John questioned.

"As far as I can tell there is no medical reason for her not to wake up," Carson said. "But I can't be certain."

John let out a sigh. "What have you found out?"

"Over a period of several weeks they introduced various drugs into her system. From the ones I've been able to identify they were mostly hallucinogens and narcotics, there were a few sedatives thrown in, probably trying to make sure that she didn't try to fight them. Other than that the scaring looks like they were doing some kind of exploratory surgery on her," said Carson. "I can't say much more than that. I'm hoping she can when she wakes."

"Is there anything you can do to counteract the effects of the drugs?" John asked him hopefully.

"I'm sorry Colonel; I don't even know what half of the drugs are. I don't want to risk giving her something that's going to react with what's in her system," Carson said.

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

John exited Carson's office and went back to his vigil by Elizabeth's bedside. He grasped her malnourished hand with his own and kissed it lightly. The weeks she had been missing were the worst weeks of his life. When the Ralteran leader had dragged her through the gate he had wanted to go after her right away. To be her night and shining armor again. To make sure that she was safe and sound in his arms.

When they rescued her relief washed over him. All he needed was to know that she was safe…that she was alive. Granted he had hoped that she would be in better condition than this but she was alive. She breathed and her heart beat. That was all he needed. Sitting here now he wished for her to wake up, to smile at him.

"Come on Elizabeth," he encouraged her unconscious form. "Come back to us. We miss you."

As if she had heard his words Elizabeth's eyelids started to flutter open and she took in the lights of the infirmary for a moment before her eyes went wide with fear and she attempted to pull her hand away from John's. "No! No!" she exclaimed as she attempted to sit up. "No! Not again! No!"

" Elizabeth," John asked. His voice was filled with concern as his grip tightened on her hand. " Elizabeth what's wrong!" Carson rushed in as the struggling leader was attempting to rip out her IV. " Elizabeth stop!"

"Dr. Weir what are you trying to do, love?" Carson asked as Elizabeth's tantrum intensified and she proceeded to force her way off the bed. It seemed to strange to them…wouldn't Elizabeth be happy to be back in Atlantis, surrounded by people that loved her? Why was she resisting?

It was obvious that whatever the Ralterans had given her had weakened her considerably because she only managed a few steps away from the bed before she collapsed and started dragging her body along the floor in a desperate attempt to escape. John and Carson walked over to the scared Elizabeth and kneeled down next to her. " Elizabeth…" John said as he reached out and touched her shoulder.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Elizabeth shouted as tears began to stream down her face. "You're not real! None of this is real!"

" Elizabeth," John said. "It's okay…you're home." Seeing that Elizabeth still seemed apprehensive to what he was saying John began to give her some random facts, "You're name is Elizabeth Ann Weir, you broke up with your long-term boyfriend Simon Wallace last year, you have a dog named Sedge that you miss terribly, you take sedatives at night because you haven't been able to sleep, you find it hard to trust members of a different alien culture because of all the times we've been burned, you kissed me while Phoebus was inhabiting your body, you have a pocket watch that your grandfather gave to-"

"Stop," Elizabeth stated, tears starting to well in her eyes. "None of that proves anything."

" Elizabeth," John said as he approached her. "I don't know what happened to you, but you're home. You're back in Atlantis."

"How do I know this is real?" Elizabeth asked as the tears began streaming down her face.

"Lizzie," John said softly as he saw her tears. He bent down next to her and placed a hand on her back. "It's okay. You're home. You're safe."

Elizabeth embraced John, clinging to him like he would disappear if her grip loosened. He rested a hand on her back and started making soothing sounds as she cried into his shoulder. "It's okay Lizzie. It's okay. You're home. You're okay. Why don't we put you back in bed?"

Elizabeth nodded against his shoulder and John picked up the crying leader and walked her over to the infirmary bed. Elizabeth refused to let go of John as she continued crying. Suddenly she felt someone lift her hand and she quickly curled into a fetal position in the bed.

"Lizzie?" John asked as he gently ran a hand through her dark curls. "Lizzie what's wrong?"

"I don't want to die," came Elizabeth's muffled voice.

Carson looked at her bewildered that Elizabeth would say such a thing. " Elizabeth, love, I just need to make sure that your hand's okay. You ripped out your IV, that's dangerous. I don't want you to get an infection."

Elizabeth hugged her injured hand close to her body and looked at the two gentlemen with feral eyes. "You killed me," she directed at Carson. "I didn't want to die and you killed me."

" Elizabeth," John asked. "What are you talking about? Carson never even tried to kill you. Let him look at your hand Lizzie, please?" Elizabeth shook her head vehemently. She didn't want Carson touching her after what she had experienced in the other reality. She didn't want anyone coming near her with any sort of medicine. "I'll be right here. Nothing will happen Lizzie. I promise."

"You promise?" Elizabeth questioned softly.

John nodded and began stroking Elizabeth's hair. "I promise…I won't let anyone hurt you.

Elizabeth watched as Carson treated her hand with antibiotics and bandaged it. "John what did they do to me?"

John looked at Elizabeth tearfully as he began to explain how they had found her. She sat there stunning, hoping that she wasn't hearing the words pouring from his mouth. As the words coming out of his mouth seemed to be the truth

SIX WEEKS LATER…

Elizabeth sat in the darkness of the mess hall nursing a cup of coffee. It was hard for her to fall asleep and when she did she found herself afraid to wake up. Carson had prescribed her some sleeping pills in case she found that she was having trouble sleeping. She had used them on more than one occasion to help suppress her fear of switching realities again. But as far as she could tell this reality showed no sign of changing.

Suddenly the doors to the mess hall opened and Elizabeth turned to see the figure of the Colonel standing in the doorway. "Sorry," he said. "If you want to be alone I can leave. It's just that we haven't talked in a while."

"No," Elizabeth said. "Stay." John walked into the deserted mess hall, towards the table where Elizabeth was sitting. "Sit down." Elizabeth invited. "Want a cup of coffee?"

"I'd love one," John said. He watched her pour a cup of coffee from the pot before she refilled her own. "Thank you. So, how have you been?"

"I have good days and bad," Elizabeth said as she studied the rings forming in her coffee. "I keep expecting to wake up somewhere else. This is the longest I've ever stayed in a reality."

"I can't pretend to know what you're going through," John said. "But, if you need to talk….I'll be willing to listen." Elizabeth was silent for a moment before speaking again. "I missed you."

"I…" Elizabeth began. Somehow she had lost her ability to articulate. "I…missed you too."

John leaned over the table and gently kissed Elizabeth on the forehead. "I wish there was a way that I could make this feel real for you."

"I want this to be real more than anything." Tears started to well up in Elizabeth's eyes and John was at her side in a moment.

"Hey, it's okay," John said. "Let me hold you." He wrapped his arms around Elizabeth, half expecting her to pull away at his touch. Instead she buried her head into his shoulder and cried. They stayed that way for a few minutes until she pulled away.

"I'm…I'm really tired, I should go to my quarters."

"Okay, I'll walk you," John offered as he stood up and walked with her to her quarters. They walked in absolute silence, both of them unsure of what to say next. When they finally reached her quarters John bid her a fond farewell but was pulled by a sudden request.

"John…would you mind staying with me until I fell asleep?"

"No," John said, he knew how hard it had been for her to maintain the R.E.M. state what most people fell into so naturally. Anything he could do to give her a better night's sleep was something that he was willing to do for her. "No not at all."

He accompanied Elizabeth into her quarters and towards her bed. Elizabeth studied him awkwardly for a moment, unsure of how this was going to work out. She didn't want anything to be taken in the wrong context and thought that it would be better for John to make the first move, and after standing in the same spot for five minutes, he did.

"Here," John began as he stepped forward and pulled back the covers of Elizabeth's bed. He removed his shoes and climbed under the sheets before calling Elizabeth over. "Come on, it's okay."

Elizabeth rigidly climbed under the blankets with John as he wrapped his arm around her. John adjusted himself so that his chin was resting on Elizabeth's crown. He kissed the top of her head lightly as a hand came up to run his fingers through her hair.

"John?" she asked quietly.

"Shhh," John said. "Just try to sleep Elizabeth."

"No, I wanted to ask you," Elizabeth said. John was silent as Elizabeth continued her inquiry. "The Ralterans, what did they want? What did they want?"

John sighed deeply as he pushed her hair away from the back of her neck to reveal a scar that had been bestowed upon her by one of the many exploratory operations that the Ralterans had performed on her, "We honestly don't know for sure. Judging by the wounds and how we found you, we think they were just trying to explore the human anatomy. The scars, they didn't seem to have any other real purpose other than to poke around."

Elizabeth nodded in response, but John realized he had something else that he wanted to say. " Elizabeth…"

"Yes?" she asked.

"I've been waiting a long time to say this, and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything, but…I love you." John said.

Elizabeth was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say to this comment. "I love you too. You're the reason I kept fighting. You came to me when all the realities where falling apart."

"We can talk tomorrow Elizabeth," John said. He wasn't entirely confident on how to respond when your boss starts talking about things that happened when she was trapped inside her own head. "For now just sleep."

Elizabeth seized her talking and let herself relax into John's arms. She felt his hand cover her own and allowed a small smile to grace her lips as he gently rubbed his thumb over the front of her hand in small circles. Feeling secure she allowed herself to drift off to sleep and in that moment realized that she was starting to gain the answer to the question that had been probing her mind for the past six weeks. This was real.

THE END


End file.
